My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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