stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
