I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
