it hurts more in the daytime
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In America we eat man semen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
nutella sex= disaster
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
