You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
