She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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