His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
