matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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