My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
