There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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