where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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