My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
