Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just pee around me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
