We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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