Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so let's talk penis.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I AM VODKA MAN
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
