Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize