I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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