god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
