Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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