We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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