This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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