So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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