i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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