I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
