put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
