All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
