i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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