Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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