My friends, they love my intelligence
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
