the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bring me that man meat
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
