she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
