he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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