hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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