apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
