your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
