I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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