Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize