Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
