she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
