I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
