But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
