Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
not ubering you a puppy
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
