Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
