May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
