it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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