Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
