Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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