He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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