I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
