i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
