Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize