Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
