I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
