I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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