Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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