Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
