oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
