I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
