just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
