oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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