I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
