Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
