I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
