I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
two words...techno handjob
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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