so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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