just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
