There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
