Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
