Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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