I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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