Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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